Episode 041: Show Notes
We are super pumped because we have Jessica Eley on the show today! Jessica is the resident emotion bringer upper of all things regarding icky feelings, money, success, and thinking we’re not good enough. She shows us exactly how they affect the growth of our business, our mindset, our relationships with our families and all of that good stuff.
We are diving into some pretty deep shit today. In fact, Emylee herself got the opportunity to meet with Jessica a few weeks ago to chat about a plateau that she felt like we had hit in our business and Jessica helped her see that she was bringing up some money block issues. So go sit on the couch and get a glass of wine, because this episode is going to be as close to business therapy as possible!
Success Holds More People Back Than Failure
More often than not, success is actually what most people struggle with rather than failure. Most people think they are afraid of failing and that their fear of failure is what is holding them back. However, failure usually does not mean anything much worse than how things are right now. Success on the other hand means changing everything about your life. Changing everything scares the crap out of us because there is no way to know exactly what to expect. Failure allows us to keep doing more of the same thing so we know what to expect. Even if you are not happy with how things are right now, there are some element of certainty in how your life is going at this moment. When we talk about being successful and completely changing our lives, that creates all kinds of uncertainty and scares the crap out of all of us because we don’t know who we are going to become when we reach the thing that we say we want.
Becoming a New Person, Separate from the Mindsets of Your Past
In order to separate ourselves from the mindsets of our family members and try to shift into developing our own perspectives, we have to become an entirely new person. This shift will help to unlock the change. Many of us grew up hearing all kinds of things about what it means to be successful. In the English language, a bazillion idioms about being filthy rich and that money is the root of all evil. You may have to put up a boundary with the family and friends and you have to realize that everyone who got you to this point isn’t necessarily going to get you to the next point. Now, that does not mean that you leave them behind or that those relationships are any less valuable, they are just serving you in a different way going forward.
Your Purpose for Success is Not Always Material
A lot of time the reasons behind making money and being successful is not just to “have more”. Just because you want to make more money doesn’t necessarily mean that you want a boat, or a mansion, or even an island. Sometimes people just want it to prove that they can have it, especially for people who are achievers, or those who are rebelling against their friends or how they were raised. They want to be achieve success and riches just to stick to to their families that it truly is possible. The success and money gives them the freedom to live the life they desire, comfortably and without he unnecessary stresses of always living paycheck to paycheck.
Moving Out of the Hobby Mindset
As you and your business grows, so does your understanding of what is “normal” or “average”. What happens as you stretch yourself is that what is normal changes. Your normal right now might be selling things on Etsy for $5, so selling something for $50,000 is going to freak you right out. Your head cannot imagine it and so you have to put yourself into a position where you can grow incrementally. Just because it’s incremental doesn’t mean it has to be slow. But you have to get your head to the place where it is okay with allowing you to make those steps. The big reason why a lot of people stay in hobby versus mindset is because they don’t love themselves enough to believe that what they are putting out there deserves to be paid for. You have to be sold on you first before you can move out of the hobby mindset.
Persevering Through Resistance from Family and Loved Ones
The first thing you have to do is set up some boundaries so that you know who you can talk to about what. This does not mean that you keep secrets, but you have to feel safe sharing, knowing that they are supports of you. However, if you aren’t in that position, again, don’t try to convince someone else to be sold on you. If you can be sold on what it is you are doing first, which is the most important. Then you have those boundaries in place where you tell your loved ones what they need to know from an equitable standpoint. Often times when you share more than you need to and they become overly worried, wanting to keep you safe.
Learning to Focus in On Ourselves with Mantras and Affirmations
Focusing in on yourself and achieving your goals starts with believing you can actually reach them in the first place. If you don’t believe that you are going to get what you say you want, you will never get it. Your affirmations have to be something that you don’t have yet or something that you want to remind yourself of when you’re trying to grow. Set out affirmations that you believe in and can expect to show up in your life. When you make a mantra or an affirmation, the first thing is to get really clear on what it is that you want and it has to be clear enough that you can feel yourself having it. Belief is a muscle. You have to stretch your belief and the more you work it out, the stronger the belief in yourself will get. When you stretch your belief far enough, that is when you can make those really lofty goals and reach them.
- Understand why more people struggle with success than they do with failure. [0:03:21.6]
- Learn how to separate yourself from the mentalities and mindsets of our family members to become our own person. [0:06:48.6]
- Find out why sometimes your goal for success is not to have more things, but simply to prove that you can be successful. [0:09:53.0]
- Discover how to move from the hobby mindset into a business mindset by growing incrementally. [0:11:55.0]
- Learn how to navigate the resistance from family members or spouses who do not believe in your product. [0:24:24.7]
- Find out how to focus in on yourself, using mantras and affirmations that you actually believe you can achieve. [0:36:21.8]
- Slow down by being more mindful and present in your body, to become conscious of your thoughts.
- Work on loving yourself more without needing someone else to be proud of you first.