Grief and Grit: Balancing Life with Business
Episode 763: Show Notes
What do grief and grit mean for women who are balancing life and business? Sometimes, experiencing enormous hurt and pain turns you into the most authentic version of yourself. The topic of grief is incredibly personal and important to me because it is one of the primary reasons for my growth and success. Often, parts of life become a blur, and pieces of memory are missing. Those are the same periods of time that fuel a change in you. I know there is a huge need to focus on mental health and wellbeing because who you are and how you show up in the world will affect how you will show up in your business. As I think back on the timelines of my life, I realize that I am not alone in my struggles through traumatic experiences.
Listen on your favorite podcast player
Grief has no standards and will attach to anyone. It may cause you to go out and do amazing things in your life and it may also be an entirely unexplainable, deep hurt that does not go away. I have found that a lot of grief models oversimplify the complexity of what grief actually is. Grief is equally as frustrating and painful as it is beautiful, hopeful, and inspirational. In simple terms, grief is the ultimate shapeshifter! There is no right or wrong way to grieve as it impacts everyone differently. Today, I want to share some of my own experiences with grief before diving into how you can turn your grief into grit in both your personal life and your business!
How Traumatic Events Change You Forever
I have always been hesitant to share the full story of my life because it feels so vulnerable. A series of traumatic events have made me who I am today. I can’t really think of a time in my life when there wasn’t an active thing that was “the defining moment” for who I am now. My mother’s brain tumor diagnosis when I was only two-and-a-half led to me growing up much sooner than I should have. I parented my sister, looked after the household, and put food on the table. Moving into my teenage years, I watched my father suffer from mental health issues, and when I was 16, both of my parents were permanently disabled. At the same time, my grandparents struggled with alcohol, another relative struggled with drugs, and I lost a family member to suicide.
When I went to college, a lot changed for me and I found a group of friends to support me. But I still struggled with the constant fear of not knowing how I was going to support myself financially, which is a huge reason why this business even exists! I knew that what I wanted more than anything in the world was to have financial freedom because I had seen what it looked like to be so concerned about money every single day. However, I struggled initially and even had to sell my TV to make rent! To add a cherry to the top of the cake, I suffered a traumatic brain injury following a car accident about three years after I got married and that changed me forever. I had to rebuild my business from the ground up and it took years for me to recover. My life was once again turned upside down when my parents got divorced after 40 years and the trajectory I had envisioned for my life was shattered when I realized that I may never conceive a child. These hard moments are relentless. Just when you feel like you’re on the other side of one event, something will take your breath away again. It’s inevitable.
Regardless of what you may be grieving, I want you to know that it is okay to juggle who you are outside of work with how you show up professionally! As a female founder, you’re doing more juggling than any other group of people. It’s one thing to be a woman with a career and a family, but to run a business is completely unmatched. Be proud of yourself for all of the things that you are doing! When you’re grieving, it can be difficult to do the bare minimum. In these moments, the idea of building a foundation for a business that supports you feels like a dream, but you are capable of doing it.
Find a Way to Keep Going (Because Life isn’t Going to Stop!)
While all of these massive events made me who I am today, they didn’t stop me from accomplishing incredible feats in my business. Success and motivation are complementary to frustration, depression, and sadness. I have become so used to periods of stress that, when things aren’t falling apart, I don’t know what to do! Because the concept of peace and safety is so foreign to some, calm moments can actually be more challenging than stressful periods. If I look back on all of these moments in my life, who I was before and who I am after is fundamentally different. I want to help you integrate these things because life is not going to stop, and while trauma may not always happen to you, it will happen around you!
Accept That Your Old Life is Gone and Let It Go
In order to heal, at some point you have to accept that the life you once had is gone. The part that really strikes me is not the grieving itself, but grieving who I thought I would be in the future. Those life-altering moments that change your imagined future can be devastating. Accepting it is even more difficult. Ultimately, you have to shift and move through it. Don’t get me wrong; it’s not about moving on. It’s about moving through because it’s always going to be a part of you! Sometimes, grief is accompanied by other wounds that need to be healed, like shame, pain, or trauma, and there will be ups and downs throughout that healing process. I don’t want you to push the ‘down’ periods away! I want you to sit with them and let yourself get to the other side.
Accepting what you can control and releasing what you can’t is imperative. You are only in control of your reactions, not anyone else's. You aren’t even in control of your own feelings! Letting things go is incredibly empowering and it gives you the opportunity to process these issues. I know that many of you have gone through terribly traumatic events and I am so grateful that you have trusted me with these stories. I want you to know that you are not alone and that your experience brings with it massive opportunities!
Over the past few years, we have collectively been through some defining moments and I think it’s important to highlight how the largest global pandemic has affected (specifically) women in business. You have a unique opportunity to highlight what you’ve experienced and how other people can relate to it, therefore creating a sense of community through the use of your voice.
How to Create Environments for People with Different Challenges to Thrive
I want you to continue to foster diversity, equity, and inclusion without making it the primary focus of your business. Personally, I want to support all femme founders; including those struggling with personal challenges and chronic health challenges. I am focusing on creating an inclusive environment that welcomes all people. It’s okay to be excited about one specific group, but try to think about ways to let more people in and touch more lives. This is an opportunity to be more supportive and understanding of people because we never know what is going on behind the scenes. Often, the deepest moments of grief, suffering, and hurt are kept private and we only see the good moments in people’s lives. So, if grief hasn’t been a huge part of your story like it has been in mine, what you can do is look around and find opportunities to support your loved ones and the people you serve in your business.
If we can be more loving and caring to those around us, we can make a massive collective difference! There are a multitude of opportunities to create grit on the other side of grief and become a different version of yourself. Grieve the future you imagined and embrace the new journey you get to go on! This will create the resilience you need to see that you are capable of facing challenges you didn’t think you could handle. Keep your eyes and ears open. Listen to those around you so that you can care for them when they are having a hard time.
If you’re going through something tough and want to move your business forward, I’d love to chat with you. Book a call with me (and don’t forget to sign up for the Boss Project newsletter!)
Quote This
I want to help you integrate these things because, ultimately, life is not going to stop. Life will keep happening!
Highlights
How Traumatic Events Change You Forever. [0:05:04]
Find a Way to Keep Going (Because Life isn’t Going to Stop!) [0:16:22]
Accept That Your Old Life is Gone and Let It Go. [0:20:58]
How to Create Environments for People with Different Challenges to Thrive. [0:36:17]
Today’s Guest:
Abagail Pumphrey
The Strategy Hour Podcast
The Strategy Hour Podcast is a twice weekly show hosted by Abagail Pumphrey and Emylee Williams, the founders of Boss Project. Join us for semi-ranty biz conversations for service providers looking to ethically grow their agency businesses. Episodes cover everything from lead generation to leadership mindset to team culture and beyond.
Key Topics:
Grief, Grit, Femme founders, Trauma, Personal growth
