Episode 077: Show Notes
Today on the podcast, we have Dana Malstaff of Boss Mom. She is a mother, author, business owner, content strategist, coach, podcaster and blind spot reducer. Dana is a big deal! We have known Dana for quite some time now, but she has been guiding moms all over the internet for a while and helping them nurture their businesses and figure out this whole game of growing an empire while growing a family.
We’re covering a lot today, trying to get to all the topics and questions that you guys have brought up over and over but we just haven’t been equipped to deal with yet. So we brought on Dana to cover the good stuff, like how the heck do you handle mom guilt and business guilt? Can you actually build an empire with little ones at home? What’s this whole myth of balance, and what can we reframe our mindsets around in order to make sure that we are being awesome parents and awesome business owners and awesome people in general? We’re talking about some really great tactical items that you guys are going to walk away with to really let go of that guilt, and reframe your focus around what you are doing in parenthood and business ownership.
Dealing With Mom Guilt and Business Guilt
Dana believes that there is no such thing as balance, and we have to agree. If it looks like somebody’s got their stuff together, odds are they do that day, but the next day they don’t. No matter how successful you are or how great it looks or how good your Instagram feed is, we all go on a roller coaster of emotions, especially if we’re entrepreneurs and parents. Dana believes that guilt goes away when we become confident in our decisions.
The ultimate thing is that the more confident you are in what you’re doing and the decisions you’re making, the less guilt there is. Figure out your dream makers and your deal breakers and map them out. Have your family be really clear on what’s important to you and your business and your family and your home.
Reframing Your Mindset
In Dana’s world, a little crazy mom every once in awhile balances out the universe. Dana believes in the 80/20 rule, where 80% of her life she’s able to manage pretty well and the other 20% of the time she’s a raging lunatic, crying on the floor and yelling at her kids. For Dana, when she was planning what kind of parent she wanted to be, she knew she wanted to make sure she had two things for her kids. One, she wanted to be sure that they knew without doubt that they were worthy of being loved, and that they were willing to receive and give love. The second thing that she wanted them to have was resilience. Resilience has to do with curiosity, flexibility and creativity.. Instead of being task oriented with her kids about what she will and won’t do, Dana’s goals are based around what kind of children she wants to raise.
Working While You Are Pregnant
During the first three months of pregnancy, Dana assures us that you are only going to get half of the amount of work done. But then, between three or four months and seven months, you’re like a powerhouse. Do all your planning to get stuff done then because when you hit seven months, you’re uncomfortable, and you can’t sit down all the time. You start to get that fuzzy brain thing where you’re only about half as productive. Talk about all the things that you have on your plate in your business and in your life and plot them out, looking at what are you doing right now on a day to day basis that you’re doing that’s urgent or important. Look at the things you don’t like doing and while you’re going into the pregnancy, figure out how can you find resources to take these things off your plate. The next step is you do an assessment and see what kind of funds you need to be able to have people help you.
Being a Working Mom
When it comes to being a working mom, there absolutely has to be a lot of good planning involved. Then, once you’ve had the baby, if it’s your first baby, plan for a good three months of maybe two hours a day of work max. It’s a little bit of survival mode but it’s also a time of beautiful moments. It’s total back and forth, but it’s a lot like in business. In the beginning it’s really hard and then it will get easier over time and then it gets really fun and really awesome and then they become teenagers and it’s a whole different kind of hard.
Once you have your second baby, it’s a little easier. It’s still hard, but all the good things are hard. With parenting and with business are so many unknowns and the unknowns make us scared, so at some point you just have to say, “I know what I know and I know I’d like to be a parent or I’d like to start a business and I’m just going to close my eyes and I’m going to jump off that cliff and I’m just going to have make sure I’ve got some support around me so that when I fall to the ground and I’m beat up a little bit I can get myself back up and I’m going to be better for it.”
Squashing the Myth That You Cannot Build An Empire While Being a Mom
One of the most important things is that your kids need a routine! They need a bedtime routine and a morning routine and you need to discipline them early so that they’re not running around rampant at a restaurant. The sooner you do it, the sooner they’ll fall in line with the way you want them to live their lives and learn the skills they need! The same thing is true when it comes to you spending time in your own business. You need to train your children to understand that you are doing something important, that they’re important but that they aren’t the center of your universe. It’s hard because you love them so much but no, they’re not the center.
Running Your Empire From Home
In the working mom world, it is harder to grow an empire if your kids are at home and there is no daycare. You can build amazing systems and amazing passive income and that’s what you should do. As a parents, I don’t think we should build businesses that are time for money. We should all work to scale. If you want to send your kids to daycare and you want to figure out how to build passive income, hire a coach who can teach you how to do it. You need support — you can’t do this alone. If the people around you make you feel guilty that you want your kids to go to school even though you are still at home doing work, then hang out with different people. Stop asking the wrong people for advice, because they are going to give you answers you don’t want and then you’ll feel bad about what you want to do. Go find and hang out people who get it and won’t make you feel guilty.
To Dana, motherhood, being a wife, a daughter, and a friend, are all important roles in her life, but those are not her identity. She believes that the identity you have is you, not your role, and communication is everything. You should always be asking, “How can I be a better mom? How can I be a better wife and how can I be a better friend?”. Learn the love languages of those most important to you so that they feel valued in the way that they truly receive value. This will make those relationships stronger, strong enough for them to tell you when you’re doing something that isn’t sitting well. That line of communication will help you navigate your roles so that you have the space to search out your identity as you continue to grow.
- Living a life dealing with mom guilt and business guilt. [0:05:09.6]
- Reframing your mindset to be more resilient as a mom and boss. [0:10:29.1]
- Working while you’re pregnant and what to expect in your work life. [0:18:29.9]
- Being a working mom with young children, and how to make it all work out. [0:22:59.6]
- Running your empire from home, and how to implement the systems for success. [0:34:02.2]
- Switching roles and not letting them become your identity in the process. [0:43:40.6]
- Know what your gift is and give what your gift is.
- Assume positive intent.
- Read the five love languages and get familiar with it.