Episode 149: Show Notes
In today’s episode, we welcome Mary Shores. Mary is the international bestselling author of Conscious Communications: Your Step-by-Step Guide to Harnessing the Power of Your Words to Change Your Mind, Your Choices, and Your Life. As an author, speaker, entrepreneur and CEO, Mary teaches individuals and businesses to fearlessly create their own realities by using scientific methods and practical personal development.
Have you ever been stuck in a rut, found yourself overwhelmed with problems or drowning in negative self-talk? Well, Mary has a scientifically backed, five-step process to help get you from breakdown to breakthrough and today, she’ll be talking us through it. In this episode, we’ll be talking about the power words have in your life, Mary’s cleanse and clog formula, how to turn a possibility into a probability, make your problems smaller and come out on the bright side of life. If you’ve got some shit in your life, then you’ve got to listen to this episode!
Using Your Words To Change Your Reality
Mary teaches ambitious people how to harness the life of their dreams and the power of words to change their mind as well as their choices and life. It has been backed by science that you can change your reality with just your words and this is one of the reasons Mary is so passionate about this topic. The thoughts you think and the words that you say are like a mirror to your subconscious programming. How often do we find ourselves contradicting our needs and wants with our words? For example, so often we say, “Oh I want to go to the gym, but I don’t have time”, “I want to write a book, but I’m not a writer” or “I want to start a business, but I don’t have the money.” If you catch yourself saying those types of words, Mary believes it is time to invest in yourself. When you start to invest in yourself, it becomes easier to use the words that support your dreams and goals.
What To Do When The People Around You Are Bringing You Down
When the people around you are super resistant to your dreams and goals while you, on the other hand, are trying to stay positive – the truth is, those people are probably not going to be around for long. They are not going to be in your life forever and maybe there’s a reason for that. If this is the case for you, Mary is not suggesting you kick people out of your life but instead, suggesting you consider the people you surround yourself with. After all, the people around you should support and empower you! But at the same time, it’s important to remember where the people in your life are coming from. Whether it’s your spouse or your mother-in-law, they probably have had a very different life experience from you and yes, they may have some valid points you can use as constructive criticism to work on. You have to think about their intent. Are they criticizing you because they want what’s best for you? These are important questions to ask.
Are You Cleansing or Clogging Your Life? The 80/20 Rule
In life, we all have infinite possibilities available to us. The difference between a possibility and a probability is that a probability is more likely to happen. So how can you make the things you want more probable in life? In Mary’s book, she writes about a process called cleanse or clog. The choices you make in every thin slice moment will change your life forever. This includes the words you say. Are the words you say cleansing or clogging you? Are your words the salad or the Snickers bar in your life? Everything is either creating a deeper connection in your life or driving a disconnection. Everything is either driving you further away from or closer to what you want. This is true in your relationships, your finances and your career. This is where the 80/20 rule comes in. You want to make sure you are making cleansing choices 80% of the time. But first of all, you have to understand your own cleansing or clogging choices. You can’t be perfect all the time. Trying to be perfect can clog you too! This is why 80/20 is a perfect balance and if you stick to this, in the long run, you are always going to get what you want.
The Five-step Process From Breakdown To Breakthrough: Step 1 & 2
When you get into a situation when your life is filled with overwhelming chaos, sometimes you just don’t know whether you are going to be able to recover. That is why Mary wrote this process that is backed by neuroscience, that is going to help you figure out how to solve your problem and feel better about it along the way. When you find yourself in this deep dark hole, you are going to start this process by making a problems list.
Step one, write a list of all your problems. Just by labeling negative emotions, it actually decreases the negative response. When you label your problems, you are actually going to feel better because it activates the prefrontal cortex, the problem-solving part of your brain, and releases serotonin and dopamine – the happiness hormones.
Step two is about taking the time to acknowledge what you’re feeling and know it is normal. It is easier to have empathy for someone else than it is to have empathy for yourself. When you have your list of problems written down, you are going to be able to have more compassion for yourself, releasing the love hormones and will help you feel better about the process.
The Five-step Process From Breakdown To Breakthrough: Step 3, 4 & 5
Step three is when you want to separate fact from fiction. What problems on your list are real problems you are facing at the time and which ones are fears and worries? We do a lot of catastrophizing and it can make you go crazy. This process is going to help you get laser-focused on what is actually going on and you might just find that your list is not cut in half! This is what happened to Mary.
Step four is celebrating the past wins. You are actually going to sit down and make a list of your biggest triumphs thus far in life. When you acknowledge your past wins, you are cultivating more dopamine into your life. Your nervous system remembers everything that has ever happened to us, so when you take the time to remember your triumphs, those same feelings you had at the time of that triumph are re-experienced.
The last step, step five, is creating an action plan to solve the problem. Write down, “what are the six things I need to do to solve this problem?” Keep breaking it down until you have a one-page action plan. By the time you have completed all these steps, you will have broken the cycle of procrastination and be ready to move forward.
- Using your words to change your reality and why we need to start investing in ourselves.[0:05:05.1]
- Learn the strategies of what to do when the people around you are bringing you down. [0:07:47.1]
- Are you cleansing or clogging up your life? Implementing the 80/20 Rule. [0:10:53.1]
- The Five-step Process From Breakdown To Breakthrough: Step 1 & 2. [0:21:47.1]
- The Five-step Process From Breakdown To Breakthrough: Step 3, 4 & 5. [0:27:10.1]
- Pick three things to be grateful for every day.
- Watch your self-talk!
- Write a one-page action plan for yourself.