Episode 017: Show Notes
Today we have Cyndie Spiegel on the podcast. We are talking about some difficult stuff, but it’s stuff that really needs to be brought out into the open. Cyndie drops some truth bombs and we talk about how we treat women in the online world and as small business owners, and how we can give and take criticism better.
Cyndie shares her “don’t, shouldn’t on yourself” philosophy, gives ideas for some collaborations and shares tips on how to make those go well. We also dive into how to deal with negative Nancies and how to get into the right mindset when dealing with the crappy emails, negative comments, and bad juju that we sometimes receive when putting ourselves and our business out there.
We focus on how to own your emotions and take control, which helps so tremendously when working from home and running these businesses by ourselves. Cyndie gives some incredible tips on how to get into positive, successful and actionable mindsets. So, if you are ready to face some hard questions, then this episode is right on time for you!
Building A Tribe With Authenticity
Start with authenticity. When you are building a tribe, whatever that tribe looks like, you really have to be transparent with your people. No one ever said you had to be perfect. When we see perfection in the online world, we don’t always relate. Though it’s aspirational for a little while, that only gets us so far. Make the language that you use on your website and the language that you use on social media the exact same as your language in real life. It all comes down to being true to who you are and attracting those who choose to stick around and listen.
Combating the Negative Mindset of Competition
Unlike men, women are not always taught about the spirit of healthy competition when we are growing up. So automatically, it becomes ingrained in us to think that for us to win somebody else has to lose. Because we’re “not allowed” to be competitive, those feelings become latent inside of us and they turn into fear, jealousy and insecurity. Anytime we hold back emotions, they automatically turn into something else. When it comes to having a positive outlook on healthy competition, the first step is to acknowledge any icky feelings that may come up when you see other women succeeding. Next, find a good tribe to surround yourself with, and seek out strong women to be a part of your community.
Facing Criticism With a Strategy
Oftentimes when women are faced with criticism, their first response is not to acknowledge it at all. However, if someone has sent you an overly negative and critical email, you do in fact have the right to stand up for yourself. Negative messages, especially those that are untrue, can certainly be a form of bullying and you as the receiver do not have to stand by and take it. Though you should always try to respond responsibly and respectfully, you do have the right to respond. Acknowledge the facts first and take the emotion out of it. Do NOT email them back right away. Allow it to sit, and use the time to take the emotion out of the situation so you can respond in a fact-based manner.
Learning From Negative Feedback for the Future
When it comes to unwarranted criticisms with no facts to back them up, there is no need to mind yourself with them. If someone is just being plain rude, you have no obligation to respond. Not only do you have the right not to respond, remember that nobody can make you feel anything. You are in control of how you feel, and how much you allow yourself to be influenced by others’ negativity is up to you. However, in order to learn from these responses, you have to consider their comments to see if there is anything you can do to help improve the situation in the future so that it doesn’t happen again.
How Not to Lose Your Shit, Seriously
In order not to go mad with fury in a response, take a stand for what you believe in. When it comes to having these tough conversations and starting social movements that are bigger than yourself, speak publicly about your beliefs. Take a stance and use whatever platform makes sense to you and your business. Use snippets and pieces of the criticism as proof, because oftentimes people have no idea that they are saying things that are rude and uncalled for. Ultimately, it comes down to you taking a stand and using your platform to launch your stance.
“The Should” Buddhist Philosophy
Once we use the word “should” in conversation, we have taken the power away from the person we’re talking to. None of us want to be told what she should do. Even though we like direction, we want to own the decisions ourselves. Given the platforms we have as “experts”, we often feel like our job is to tell people what they should do. Our job is to have a stance, believe in it, talk about how we made that reality for ourselves and suggest things as options for other people.
- Learn how to build a business surrounded by an incredible tribe of authentic supporters. [0:03:07.9]
- Understand how to combat the negative mindset surrounding competition amongst women business owners. [0:07:11.5]
- Discover what it means to face criticism strategically, without becoming overly emotional in your strategy. [0:12:59.8]
- Learning how to grow from encounters with criticism, and how it can help shape you to handle future criticisms. [0:21:04.5]
- Know what it means to take a stand, and how that can prevent you from going crazy and losing it on someone. [0:24:48.2]
- The Should Buddhist Philosophy. [0:33:55.6]
- Be conscious. Remove the shame, and ask yourself why you're feeling the way you do.
- Who are you surrounding yourself with? Make the choice to surround yourself with strong women.